The Ballad of Golem Grunweld

 “I’m [not on drugs]

and I want...to...take his place”

-Jonathan Richman

The word ‘Golem,’ incidentally, is the smoking gun that outs JRR Tolkien as a raving anti-semite. For most people, ‘Golem’ is the corrupted ring-junckie from The Hobbit and Lord of the Rings; however, close students of the Kabbalah or Dungeons and Dragons know that ‘a golem’ or ‘the golem’ is a kind of magical robot from Jewish mythology. The famous one was built by Rabbis in medieval Prague and is the subject of a kind of dumbed down Frankenstein/Pygmalion type story. The fact that Tolkien borrowed a word from Jewish mysticism for his embodiment of corruption and greed really should end the debate about who he was and what he was about. For anyone who wants to extend the debate by pointing out that Golem is redeemable: the offer of redemption means a lot more to the ‘in group’ offering it, than the ‘out group’ that ‘needs’ it. To Tolkien Jews are defined by materialism and corruption; he thinks we could be capable of more? I think he can go fuck himself. 

[Der Golem is pretty great, but not especially lucid, mystical novel by a guy named Gustav Mayrink from sometime around 1910. The Prague Robot makes an appearance, but it is unclear why it got the book named after it-- this is, however, one of the less confusing things about Der Golem. I still recommend it.]

Anyway, in “Infinite Wealth” ‘Golem Grunwald’ is the old stage name of a guy currently performing cheerful ukulele music to popular and commercial acclaim as ‘Mat Tropico.’ As ‘Golem Grunwald’ he performed ‘potato metal’ (yes, potato metal) and got made fun of for it-- so he ‘sold out,’ became ‘Mat Tropico,’ and achieved success. The problem is that Golem Grunwald, did, actually, have one devoted fan: a seriously ill child! So Matt Tropico has to ask himself if he wants to take out the old ax and potato-covered leather jacket (yes, really) one last time.

1) I had hoped that they were going to use Mat Tropico/Golem Grunwald as a kind of way to meditate on commercially successful art that derives from darker and disturbing sources-- a thing they just might be interested in on a personal level! RGG is pretty clearly ‘Mat Tropico’ to Kinji Fukasaku or Takeshi Miike’s ‘Golem Grunwald’ and I thought they were going to use the chance to get in a few words about how they felt about that. They did not-- at least going off of my reading.

2) It just kicks immense ass that the ‘Golem Grunwald’ story overlaps with the ‘Kasuga and the Japan Nerd’ story. That one ends w Kasuga encouraging the Japan Nerd to develop a more nuanced vision of Japan. (I’ll pass: actual Japan seems kinda dull, but thanks!) But in the same breath they are telling a story about American music that involves potato metal. That you could think ‘potato metal’ was a thing speaks to an extremely un-nuanced, and un-reasearched approach to American music. It’s not a moral or actual problem because ‘potato metal’ is hilarious-- it’s just an extremely weird juxtaposition with the story where you should be less generic and ridiculous in how you think of the Japanese. ‘Potato Metal’ seems to come from just about the same level of cultural nuance/awareness as the idea Japanese people would play darts with ninja stars. 

Because 3) a story that was more rooted in actual America and Western (Chumbawumba are English) music could have worked better than the Golem Grunwald story. Specifically, I bet they could have gotten someone from “Cumbawumba” to be the ‘Mat Tropico’ character and used it as a chance to tell the story of Chumbawumba, which is a pretty good story and all the indicators are that Chumbawumba is, in fact, really good people. [Full disclosure: Matt Tropico might have actually been played by someone who had been, at some point, a member of Chumbawumba-- I didn’t check]

4) the story I would REALLY like would go like this: the character starts out as a thinly disguised Lou Reed who sells out by becoming a cheerful ukulele act. As a ‘Lou Reed’ his drug problem was a big part of who he was, and why he did stuff like recording entire albums of feedback (actual thing); performing a more successful and up beat type of music helped him get clean. It’s kinda bittersweet for him because there was an artistic edge in being ‘Lou Reed’-- but he’s not using, he’s in sitting in the Hawaiian sun, he’s in a good place, and even if he isn’t supper into the music he’s playing, it really seems like it makes people happy.

BUT: as ‘Lou Reed,’ he was the favorite act of a group of teenagers, and as they’ve aged and life has gotten harder, the fact that their ‘Lou Reed’ is now strumming a ukulele for money has been a big factor in one of the group members succumbing to depression and heavy drug use. Another member of the group communicates to Kasuga that an old school ‘Lou Reed’ performance might help this person see enough good in the world to help them get try and get clean; Kasuga passes this on to ‘Lou Tropico.’...who is now in a REALLY tough spot, because while he deeply wants to do what he can to help the kid clean up, going back to that exact artistic space is risking his own sobriety. 

In the end, he does a kind of Jonathan Richman (get Jonathan Richman, dude like does masonry to support himself. v least give him a couple bucks and use one of his songs) performance. He rocks out [RADIO ON!!! bah-bah-bah-bah got the am RADIO ON!!], and if it isn’t the same or as strong as his old stuff and alienates the people who showed up for the ukulele show, [RADIO ON!! bah-bah-bah got the power RADIO ON!!!] it’s still got a real fun, weird energy [with mah radio on….], the courage it takes to perform really reaches the kids [RADIO ON!! bah-bah-bah (alright) RADIO ONNNNN!!!]*** and makes the one of them decide to really try to stop shooting up or sniffing glue.

5) You might have noticed that my story is ALL ABOUT DRUGS and RGG NEVER EVER mentions drugs whatsoever. You know, when they were in Japan I guess I was a lot more cool with it? There could be laws at play, either actual Japanese ones or cultural ones that might as well be codified. But that lady in another sub story who was forced into prostitution and theft by a corrupt cop...it feels dishonest to not talk about drugs. People do drugs. It does not make them evil. It does cause problems, and I really really don’t think the problems are helped by just refusing to talk about it. Again, in Japan, RGG doing it their way, seemed more ok. You wanna pretend there’s no drug use in Japan? Maybe there isn’t, for all I know. In America, I think I have more of a ‘right’ to want that to be more out in the open. Being shity about and to addicts is fucking over my country; RGG could stop doing it.

6) Chumbawumba, Tolkien, Jonathan Richman...Lou Reed is my hero...seriously this guy remembers Chumbawumba (I had their album…I listened to their other tracks, all sitting under my Takeshi Kitano poster)...the late 1990s, man.

***You could, I guess, get one of Richman’s songs that is less ‘he’s playing ‘Sister Ray’ only singing about a Stop-and-Shop instead of doing heroin.’ When I wrote that paragraph I hadn’t exactly remembered that ‘Roadrunner’ is theRichman/Modern Lovers song that is really just, they played a Velvet Underground track and took out all the transexuals and heroin. 

But that’s an awfully good idea tho! And I’m legit surprised that it doesn't have more status in our, or any, culture (too my knowledge). And I don’t mean to knock homosexuality or hard drug use-- or equate them, really, it’s just both were in ‘Sister Ray’ and didn’t make it to ‘Roadrunner.’ But playing the same three chords over and over again, with a dubious beat and a lot of enthusiasm: you CAN do that without waging a full scale assault on society’s values. Once more, with feeling: fuck society and their values. But also, big ups to the legit goofballs who like playing chords more than they are good at it. There’s a place for you, too.

7) Seriously, RGG, drugs:

[Kasuga and co. are departing Hawaii by tugboat [??!??] for Japan. Tomizawa stays on the shore]

Kasuga: come with us Tomi! We need your help!

Tomizawa: Nope. 

Kasuga: Come one man, you’re one of us!

Tomizawa: No.

Adachi: But why?

Tomizawa:…. you’re going to make me say it?

Kasuga: Say what?

Tomizawa: are you being serious?

Kasuga: I have no idea what you are talking about!

Tomizawa: Y’ALL MOTHERFUCKERS DON’T HAVE WEED!!

Adachi:...oh…

Kasuga: So that smell, this whole time…?

Tomizawa: uh YEAH...no wait a sec, I’m a thirty-something gig worker, in a Hawaiian shirt, shorts, and burks, (BURCKS!!) and I NEVER SMOKE ANY POT WHATSOEVER!! HOW FUCKING STUPID ARE YOU PEOPLE? You think I’ve been wondering around with you guys doing all this nonsensical stuff, while completely NOT HIGH AT ALL?

Kasuga: ...huh…

Tomizawa: Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’ve got a bong I need to see about some life decisions…

Adachi: Wait! [Mah-tay-oh] it suddenly occurs to me that my destiny is to be a giant pot head and maybe win a taco eating competition!

Tomizawa: Hell yeah!

[Adachi jumps off the tug boat [??!??], swims back to Hawaii]

Kasuga: Fuckn a, what am I gonna do now?

Han Jon Ji: Dude, we are like level seventy because the guy playing this has been picking up EXP wondering around and collecting pokemon, closing out my walk-and-talks, while stonned as shit, for like a month now. I think we’ll be fine.

Kasuga: Fair point.